School Troubles

Hi everyoneee!  Summer is approaching closure and school is opening in 2 weeks. Hopefully this inhumane heat comes to a closure as well.  School in all honesty supplies a purpose, creates a wave of productivity and accomplishment.  The boredom diminishes.  It makes me do something with my life.  An assortment of emotions are coursing through me.  Fear, excitement, sadness, dread.  It’s my last year before college.  

The anticipation of receiving my schedule is both compelling and distressing.  The unknown is pestering, invoking me to incessantly refresh the page to rid the nescience, knowing damn well nothing will be updated.  Yet I fear having a whack order of classes, not being placed in my desired classes, and my classes populated with people I’m not the biggest fan of.  More concerningly, the foreboding plausibility that I won’t share common classes with my friends produces significant uneasiness.  It’s the final year; cliques are long established, and I go to a tiny school as it is.  I can’t be the kid who doesn’t have a partner when they instruct “get with a partner.”  And quite frankly the motivation stems from the socialising. The factor of enjoyment is the reason for my attendance and why I look forward to it.

The first day is like some official meeting.  The teachers drone on about class expectations like we haven’t heard them 100 times.  I think we are aware that trash goes into the trash can by now.  And then the silly get to know you/icebreaker activities ensue.  Name an interesting fact about yourself, what did you do this summer, two truths and a lie, etc.  Interesting fact: I hate doing this.  Friendly reminder to start thinking about that.

  In a couple weeks I’m going to be holding my breath in until my name reaches on the roll.   Then the awkward pause, followed by the stuttering of the first two letters leaves me wishing to evaporate. And I uncomfortably correct them if they ask.  If not, t’s a fun year of having a second name.

Teachers are like trick or treating.  You never know what you’re going to get. They possess heavy influence, dictating your preference of a class or malice of it.  It’s scary.  Being close to teachers is really helpful and entertaining.  I can freely express my jocular attitude and I’m sure it increases my scores in the class. On the other hand, a teacher can create a living nightmare, tempting you to maybe just camp in the bathroom or anywhere else for a while.  I don’t want to endure that.  Although, I can’t deny that the best memories tend to result from those classes.  It’s all up to the roll of the dice.

Due to my disability, (cerebral palsy which I have disclosed more details in prior blogs) challenges naturally emerge.  Labs, oh god, that word insinuates my heart to beat like a hurricane.  The possibility of tasks I wouldn’t hold the capacity to perform barcade me.  The combination- spinning and turning with microscopic numbers is too convoluted for me so as a substitute I utilise a key.  I used to analyse and study the halls for the moments it was most vacated and arrange trips to my locker solely pertaining to that, rather than convenience.  Additionally, computers deliver the majority of our learning.  Since I type with one hand, a timourous and disconcerting cloud looms over me.  Everyone else was clicking and clacking away with both hands.  What must they think?  I dreaded the word computer.  As the years tumbled by it dawned on me the torture I had entrapped myself in.  The reality was I don’t withhold the ability to alter the situation. I can’t eliminate my disability.  Fretting over it yielded no benefit; it only succeeded in my mind rampaging, my stomach churning and sweaty hands.  And like that the clouds cleared.

It’s so surreal that I’m entering 12th grade!  I can’t believe it.  It always portrayed this facade of being in the far future.  In 9 months I’ll graduate.  The beginning of 9th grade is still fresh on mine; the first day etched vividly in my memory…yet that’s 3 years ago.   Time really flies when you look back, despite sometimes in the moment providing the impression it’s moving sluggishly.  Unfortunately, because of the virus, 1.25 out of the 4 years was transitioned to online school, bubbling wistfulness.  What I would give to complete the entirety of high school offline.

Remember that ruminating and stressing over circumstances or shortcomings that you can’t control is superfluous and only induces self tormentation.  Face adversity with confidence, for none is lingering on the matter other than you.   All the best for this coming school year!

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