Hi guysss! Last time I elaborated on the unexplainable level of gratitude that my friends primarily are aware of my shortcomings and to not be perturbed of them noticing your struggles: physical, mental; it does not matter. Today, I will share my college essay on how my disability resulted in dread and avoidance behaviour since it pertains to the subject.
Fear and embarrassment are a fierce wind, ferocious and unforgiving. It forcefully flings one like a leaf, launching them opposite of the desired direction. It requires a tremendous amount of unwavering perseverance and resilience to not succumb into helplessness, to combat such a potency. Only following years and years of passivity, of permitting the wind to hurl me, I have gradually learned how to resist to some extent and stand my ground.
I was born with Cerebral Palsy. As a result, a numerous number of physical shortcomings manifest. This includes very limited usage of my right hand. I lack the simple ability to flip it. Holding objects depends on various factors but regardless the grasp is not solid. Fine motor skills are nonexistent. In addition, my legs fail to execute the capabilities of an average person, and I walk with a limp. Unfortunately the list does not cease there. To top off my luck, I have poor vision and eye fatigue. Due to all these lovely gifts, I was swept off my feet, and trapped in subordination.
I grew to avoid situations and mortification seemed to be my shadow. Declining invitations to hangout became my resort. Home was safe, sheltered from humiliation and my true colours being discovered. The daunting, nagging worry of what activities I wouldn’t be able to comply with vanished. The chance of embarrassment faded. Similar occasions sprouted when my school held these gatherings every Monday called Motivational Mondays. Amid these 45 minute sessions, a series of exercises, games, or discussions were set in motion to inspire and evoke a certain realisation. Although it only succeeded in sparking uncertainty and doubt to course through me. The what ifs cascading through my mind were too powerful. My heart was racing faster than the Flash. My stomach was practically welcoming butterflies. Consequently, my resolution was to preemptively claim the excuse of having to go to the bathroom; I stationed myself there for the duration of the event. And bam just like that with a little lie The Wind was gone…or so I was under the impression.
Yet as time passed, I began to understand that, depending on that strategy, I was merely surviving life, not living it to the fullest. Developing a bolder, indifferent attitude was the necessary approach. Now I can proudly announce that in 11th grade I attended all the Motivational Mondays, only skipping a singular game. A little over a month ago, a couple of my friends yearned to go to Kemah Boardwalk. The idea was indeed foreboding. However, the weather was not promising with high percentages of rain. Therefore, I highlighted that in hopes to discourage their motivation, but they were determined it be brought into fruition. The old me would have invented a reason to go home. But I had evolved; I was going to face The Wind, quite literally too, so I boarded the pick up truck. Just as anticipated, embarking and dismounted the rides yielded some difficulty with my friend assisting me once. Whilst I clambered out, the thought of how uncoordinated I must look crossed my mind and my face heated up. Instead of permitting it to seize me, I pushed it aside. This transformed into my course of action. For instance in the airport, during immigration, when one approaches the desk, there is a segment that requests the placement of both thumbs upright, in a crisp straight line with the remaining four fingers tucked away. Abiding is not achievable, as my right thumb tilts inwards with my other fingers pointing vertically ahead, achieving precisely the reverse of the demand. Even though my back prickled, the desire to evaporate did not arise.
Despite self consciousness prevailing to this day, the progress is unarguable. Now when people stare at me, I lock eye contact, glaring harder, rather than pretending not to notice. I have blossomed from my shell, acknowledging that The Wind will be present; it cannot always be sunny. It is how you react that is significant. Waiting for circumstances to magically improve or disappear is ineffective. It is okay to be afraid but you cannot capitulate to it. The Wind must be withstood…
Comment below a foreboding, onerous ordeals that are swamping you. How will you combat “The Wind?”